NEWS
Man who survived lightning strike says he’s lucky to be alive: ‘It was unbearable’
Man who survived lightning strike says he’s lucky to be alive: ‘It was unbearable’
**Man Struck by Lightning Claims He Can Now Predict Rain with His Left Eyebrow**
*“It was unbearable,” he says, “but now I’m basically a human weather app.”*
**August, 2025 | Weekly Conspirator News**
**By Stormy Weathers**
In what meteorologists are calling “scientifically improbable, but kind of awesome,” a man who was struck by lightning last week during a barbecue claims not only to have survived the strike, but to have developed a mysterious new ability: detecting changes in weather patterns using his *eyebrow*.
38-year-old Todd Gleeson of Peoria, Illinois, says the bolt of lightning hit him squarely on the left shoulder while he was flipping burgers in his backyard. Witnesses say his sandals melted, his hair stood straight up for 23 minutes, and Alexa started playing AC/DC’s *Thunderstruck* completely unprompted.
“I thought I was done for,” Gleeson told reporters while holding a charred spatula. “It was unbearable. Like being tasered by Zeus.”
But after being discharged from the hospital (and briefly interrogated by NASA, for reasons no one will officially explain), Gleeson began to notice strange changes in his body.
“Whenever a storm’s coming, my left eyebrow starts twitching,” he explained. “If it rains within 7 miles, it does the Harlem Shake.”
Gleeson says he tested the phenomenon by standing in a cornfield for 48 hours straight with one eyebrow raised. “It twitched right before it rained. My cousin verified it on radar. He works at Jiffy Lube, so he knows stuff.”
Skeptics abound, of course. Local scientists say there’s “no empirical evidence” that lightning can turn a human into a low-resolution Doppler radar, but they admit they’ve “never seen anything like this before.”
Meanwhile, Gleeson has launched a TikTok account, @StormBrowTodd, where he shares eyebrow forecasts and grilling tips. He already has over 2 million followers.
When asked if he’d consider being struck by lightning again for scientific research, Gleeson replied, “Only if I get to keep the spatula.”
Democratic Senator ED MARKEY is calling for PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP to be removed from office under the 25TH AMENDMENT, citing Trump’s RECENT ACTIONS and STATEMENTS about GREENLAND. Markey argues Trump’s behavior is DANGEROUS and UNFIT for the presidency, intensifying an ALREADY HEATED political showdown in WASHINGTON.
BREAKING: In a voice trembling with disbelief that silenced her MSNBC studio, Rachel Maddow slammed her notes down, eyes wide, as she dissected special counsel Jack Smith’s bombshell congressional testimony—revealing explosive evidence of Trump’s “”systematic criminal activity”” to overturn 2020, including witness tampering and foreign backchannels that should have derailed his 2024 comeback.
President T.r.u.m.p has delivered a dramatic ultimatum, warning that Canada must remove trade barriers within 30 days or risk the collapse of CUSMA along with severe economic consequences. While the statement projected confidence and leverage, developments behind the scenes suggest a far more complex strategic landscape is already unfolding.
BREAKING: ICE officials are reportedly worried blue state cops and prosecutors will begin arresting and charging ICE agents, and local juries will be very unkind to them and hold them accountable for their actions.
BREAKING: President Trump claims Minnesota election–related FRAUD could reach a staggering $80 BILLION and says ongoing PROTESTS are being used as a political DISTRACTION. He stressed that massive fraud must be investigated, while downplaying demonstrations as a tactic to shift focus from the alleged scale of financial abuse. Critics immediately pushed back, calling his estimate unverified and politically charged.
JUST IN: A federal judge in Minnesota barred the Trump administration from destroying or altering evidence in the shooting death of 37-year-old Alex Pretti, killed by a Border Patrol agent during an immigration enforcement operation on Saturday. The lawsuit, filed by the Hennepin County Attorney’s Office and the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension, names DHS, ICE, CBP, U.S. Border Control, and Attorney General Pam Bondi as defendants. Pretti allegedly approached agents armed with a 9 mm pistol and resisted disarmament. Judge Eric Tostrud’s injunction preserves evidence, with a hearing Monday. County Attorney Mary Moriarty pledged a thorough, state-level investigation for accountability.
JUST IN: Politics just crossed another red line. At a heated congressional hearing, Rep. Brad Sherman dropped a bombshell calling for impeachment over claims that federal law is being ignored and ICE is being reshaped in dangerous ways. His words weren’t soft. They were direct. Explosive. And now they’re everywhere.
BREAKING: Calls to invoke the 25th Amendment are rising on Capitol Hill after reports tied President Trump’s Greenland interest to his frustration over missing out on the Nobel Peace Prize. Democrats including Rep. Sydney Kamlager-Dove, Sen. Ed Markey, and Rep. Yassamin Ansari declared Trump “unfit to lead” and urged immediate action. The move escalates criticism into a direct constitutional challenge, making Greenland a major flashpoint in Washington.
JUST IN: Italy’s Prime Minister has issued a sharp diplomatic warning following recent remarks by Donald Trump about NATO, signaling a readiness to challenge the very foundations of the U.S. military presence in Europe
BREAKING: THE WOMAN ALEX PRETTI TRIED TO SAVE FINALLY BREAKS SILENCE — HER SHOCKING REVELATION COULD SHAKE THE INVESTIGATION
BREAKING: A senior Democrat claims that if their party wins the 2026 midterms, they will move to IMPEACH and REMOVE both Donald Trump and JD Vance as president and vice president, then PROSECUTE and JAIL THEM FOR LIFE. This plan, if followed through, would make the Democratic House Speaker the next president. The result? A Democrat could be in the White House by 2027 while Trump and Vance face a lifetime behind bars.
