NFL
GAMEDAY: Chiefs face Cardinals in first preseason game of 2025
GAMEDAY: Chiefs face Cardinals in first preseason game of 2025
**BREAKING: Chiefs to Play Cardinals on Mars in First Preseason Game of 2025**
**KANSAS CITY, MO** — In a shocking twist that has rocked the sports world and baffled NASA officials, the Kansas City Chiefs are set to face the Arizona Cardinals in the first preseason game of 2025 — **on the surface of Mars**.
The game, originally scheduled for State Farm Stadium, was inexplicably relocated after Chiefs head coach Andy Reid reportedly “wanted to spice things up” and “test Mahomes’ arm in low gravity.”
“We’ve already won a few Super Bowls on Earth,” said Reid in a press conference while sipping Tang through a space helmet. “Time to conquer the cosmos.”
### Mahomes to Throw 300-Yard Passes?
Quarterback Patrick Mahomes, equipped with a specially designed helmet that reads defensive schemes in Martian dust storms, appeared excited for the challenge.
“I’ve always wanted to throw a football into orbit,” Mahomes said. “And I’m pretty sure the Martian secondary can’t cover Kelce.”
Meanwhile, Travis Kelce has been hard at work learning the native dances of Mars in preparation for touchdown celebrations. “The Griddy is out. I’m bringing in the Red Rock Shuffle,” he said, surrounded by a group of confused astronauts.
### Cardinals “Totally Ready” After Watching *The Martian* Twice
The Arizona Cardinals, not to be outdone, have reportedly trained for this game by watching *The Martian* twice and purchasing a used SpaceX shuttle off eBay.
“We’re good,” said new Cardinals head coach, who has requested anonymity after accidentally referring to Venus as “Mars’ cousin.” “Altitude’s no problem. We’ve practiced without oxygen.”
### Key Concerns:
* The coin toss may drift into the stratosphere.
* Timeouts will be delayed 15 minutes due to lag in communication with Earth.
* Martian soil may interfere with Gatorade absorption.
Despite these challenges, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell expressed support: “This is the kind of interplanetary expansion we’ve been waiting for. Football is universal — even if there’s no atmosphere.”
### Kickoff at 3:30 ET / 1 Sol Martian Time
Fans on Earth can tune in to the broadcast via ESPN 9: Intergalactic Edition. The halftime show will feature Elon Musk and a hologram of Vince Lombardi performing a duet of “Rocket Man.”
No word yet on whether season ticket holders will be reimbursed for the cost of interplanetary travel.
MAJOR BREAKING: Supreme Court Rejects Trump’s Tariff Authority — Here’s What It Means:
BREAKING: Senate Votes 68–32 to CONVICT — President Trump REMOVED, REFUSES to Accept Verdict! Washington, D.C. — The chamber fell into a silence so heavy it seemed to press down on the marble itself. When the final tally appeared on the board — 68 to convict, 32 to acquit — there was no roar, no gasp, no release. Just a stillness that signaled history had pivoted, whether anyone in the room was ready for it or not. Moments later, the presiding officer announced the result. President Donald J. Trump was removed from office.
🚨 Trump’s Florida Event Sparks Online Frenzy A short clip from a recent appearance in Florida has triggered intense debate online. Some posts suggest a medical scare, while others say the footage is being taken out of context. Before jumping to conclusions, here’s what’s been officially reported
🚨 UNREDACTED EPSTEIN FILES RELEASED — LAWMAKERS BEGIN REVIEW Millions of previously sealed documents connected to Jeffrey Epstein have reportedly been made available to a bipartisan group of lawmakers, marking a significant procedural development in a case that has drawn sustained public attention.
⚡ Viral posts say power has already shifted. Acting president. Immediate removal. Constitutional earthquake. But pause. There’s no official transmission. No VP statement. No Tier-A confirmation… 🔍 If Section 4 were real, Washington wouldn’t whisper — it would shake within the hour.
The Epstein Regime just put up a giant Trump banner on the Department of Justice building.
BREAKING: Ro Khanna and Thomas Massie are racing to force a Congressional vote on a War Powers Resolution, to stop Trump before he starts a war with Iran.
DAMN. Trump fell fast asleep and risked falling out of his chair — at his own “Board of Peace” meeting. He is absolutely humiliating himself on the world stage. Trump does not have the stamina to lead anything — not a board for peace, and certainly not the United States of America.
TAYLOR SWIFT JUST DECLARED TRUMP UNFIT FOR OFFICE LIVE ON TV: “HE IS FORCING AMERICANS TO MAKE HORRID DECISIONS THEY NEVER SIGNED UP FOR — THIS MAN IS DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY FOREVER.” The audience expected prepared remarks. What they got was a woman trembling with urgency. On live television, Taylor Swift declared: “If Trump remains in power, we are no longer a nation — we are enemies within our own homes — Audience Left Stunned! You won’t believe how Trump responded Just 5 sentence one word… 👀 Watch before this gets taken down!
BREAKING🚨 Republican Thomas Massie says he will publicly read Epstein client list names if Attorney General Pam Bondi’s Department of Justice continues to refuse to release them.
TRUMP ERUPTS as MASSIVE IMPEACHMENT PROTESTS FLOOD the U.S. Nationwide protests demanding Trump’s impeachment have exploded from D.C. to L.A., with huge crowds chanting for accountability amid mounting scandals.
