30 Minutes Ago: Pop Superstar Taylor Swift Has Just Been SHOT AT THE HEAD and Has Been Urgently Rushed to the Hospital. Travis Kelce Has Just Jetted Down to Confirm The Devastating News….see more

30 Minutes Ago: Pop Superstar Taylor Swift Has Just Been SHOT AT THE HEAD and Has Been Urgently Rushed to the Hospital. Travis Kelce Has Just Jetted Down to Confirm The Devastating News….see more

BREAKING (Totally Fictional) NEWS: Pop Superstar Taylor Swift Reportedly “Shot in the Head” — By Her Own Stage Pyrotechnics!

Los Angeles, CA – In what fans are calling “the most dramatic concert moment since Beyoncé’s hair got caught in a fan,” pop icon Taylor Swift was reportedly “shot in the head” during her sold-out performance last night — but not by any person.

The culprit? A rogue pyrotechnic cannon that mistimed its spark during the finale of “Bad Blood.”

Eyewitnesses say sparks flew (literally) as a blast of glitter confetti launched directly into Swift’s forehead. For a brief moment, fans feared the worst. “We all screamed — she just dropped to the floor like a dramatic Victorian queen,” said one concertgoer, still clutching her commemorative glow stick.

Paramedics rushed to the scene, only to discover Swift was unharmed but extremely annoyed. “You know it’s bad when she doesn’t immediately transition into the next costume change,” said her tour manager.

NFL star and boyfriend Travis Kelce reportedly flew in “within 4.3 seconds” of hearing the news. Sources say he was ready to tackle the confetti cannon himself. “No one messes with my girl,” he growled, before giving the stage equipment a firm talking-to.

Swift, uninjured but “mildly glitter-shocked,” is expected to resume her tour. In true Taylor fashion, insiders say she’s already writing a breakup anthem for the pyrotechnics team.