NEWS
Man who survived lightning strike says he’s lucky to be alive: ‘It was unbearable’
Man who survived lightning strike says he’s lucky to be alive: ‘It was unbearable’
**Man Struck by Lightning Claims He Can Now Predict Rain with His Left Eyebrow**
*“It was unbearable,” he says, “but now I’m basically a human weather app.”*
**August, 2025 | Weekly Conspirator News**
**By Stormy Weathers**
In what meteorologists are calling “scientifically improbable, but kind of awesome,” a man who was struck by lightning last week during a barbecue claims not only to have survived the strike, but to have developed a mysterious new ability: detecting changes in weather patterns using his *eyebrow*.
38-year-old Todd Gleeson of Peoria, Illinois, says the bolt of lightning hit him squarely on the left shoulder while he was flipping burgers in his backyard. Witnesses say his sandals melted, his hair stood straight up for 23 minutes, and Alexa started playing AC/DC’s *Thunderstruck* completely unprompted.
“I thought I was done for,” Gleeson told reporters while holding a charred spatula. “It was unbearable. Like being tasered by Zeus.”
But after being discharged from the hospital (and briefly interrogated by NASA, for reasons no one will officially explain), Gleeson began to notice strange changes in his body.
“Whenever a storm’s coming, my left eyebrow starts twitching,” he explained. “If it rains within 7 miles, it does the Harlem Shake.”
Gleeson says he tested the phenomenon by standing in a cornfield for 48 hours straight with one eyebrow raised. “It twitched right before it rained. My cousin verified it on radar. He works at Jiffy Lube, so he knows stuff.”
Skeptics abound, of course. Local scientists say there’s “no empirical evidence” that lightning can turn a human into a low-resolution Doppler radar, but they admit they’ve “never seen anything like this before.”
Meanwhile, Gleeson has launched a TikTok account, @StormBrowTodd, where he shares eyebrow forecasts and grilling tips. He already has over 2 million followers.
When asked if he’d consider being struck by lightning again for scientific research, Gleeson replied, “Only if I get to keep the spatula.”
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